Okay, so this month I've clearly had too much time on my hands with this gimpy knee of mine. I've been fantasy shopping on-line for houses in our town...and I've had the grave misfortune of stumbling upon our dream house personified. I say "grave misfortune" because we can not buy this house now, in a year, yes, but today, NO. I have awoken almost every morning for the last week, coming out of a dream about that !@#$% house. Yesterday I was feeling so much negativity and annoyance (my polite way of saying I was feeling persnickety and mean spirited) about our sweet house. I wanted that house across the lake, by God, and nothing was going to make me feel better! It was after several hours of feeling this way that I really realized I'd allowed such an ugly green eyed monster to creep into my mind a heart. Before stumbling upon this sublime renovated 4 bedroom LOG home (yeap, not making this up...) built in 1935, and currently fully updated with every bell and freakin' whistle...I loved our little "project cottage." Suddenly, my adorable little dream cottage was not looking so adorable OR dreamy.
Okay, to be honest...I'm burned out on home reno. I don't want to paint one more bleeping thing, move one more wall, suspend my instant gratification one more iota...and yet...it is what it is. Ten years has been about 9 yrs. past what I would have ever wanted to live with in terms of this unfinished project that is our home. I'm done. But clearly, God is not. I was whining to various Saints, the Blessed Mother, and Jesus yesterday about my disapointment and my impatience. I asked that it be possible for us to move NOW...and then I grimaced as I asked for the Grace to surrender to the Lord's will and recieve the blessings He has for us, in His time and in His way. And then internally I'd stomp my foot and suck my thumb.
Today, we were blessed with the coziest rainy day...my favorite weather. I woke with a much lighter heart...the newfound ability to make a pot of coffee (haven't been able to walk for the last 3 wks. because of my injury)...and a day of snuggling with my little angels/monsters in front of a Shirley Temple movie. Don't get me wrong...I STILL WANT THAT HOUSE. But...a beautiful robin was in the bush that brushed up against the family room window today, eating these bright orange/red berries...and the rain was bouncing off the lavender pink Rose of Sharon flowers...and I had hot coffee clutched in my hands...and well, I remembered why I love this home of ours. It's not my dream home, but my dreams are being lived out here. Imagine how sad the opposite would be? No thanks.
Hugs, Brig
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