Let's go Tulling...

Some of my happiest memories from my teen years are of times spent with the finest guys any girl could hope to know. We'd all bonded because of our shared experiences in our church Youth Group, and Antioch retreat program. Some of us had known one another since childhood, and our families were good friends. Our faith connection helped create a dynamic that was pretty wonderful. These were guys I really knew, I respected them, and trusted them implicitly.

I can still return to those days in my mind, to the moment of fun anticipation when John would say, "Let's go Tulling!", and several of us would pile into a car and drive around listening to Jethro Tull. I remember us us sitting in Jody's car and looking at the moon, from the playground of our grammar school, St. E's...and talking about God, our dreams of the future, and the mysteries of life and our faith. I'd fill them in on vitally important tid bits that they were convinced only girls know, things to help them with "women." I have this vivid memory of Greg really wanting to know what the heck the whole deal was with "periods", fertility, and pregnancy...and the very biological conversation that followed. Our science teachers would have been proud of the complex explanation that Todd, Jody and I threaded together! There was much debate about the specific details..."where do those Fallopian tubes go again?!"...but I think we sorted it all out. That still makes me laugh! I'm not sure that any of my advice helped them at all, but they didn't really need me to unlock any secrets for them. I know I lamented about my various boyfriends, and they always helped me make sense of the challenges of dealing with romance and guys...because after all, "you know how guys can be." I always felt my most relaxed and accepted with these guys...no one cared what you were wearing, how your hair looked...most especially me. I was my most unselfconscious...what a gift to a teen girl. They made me feel so wonderful...the humor was always sharp and witty...the conversation was often hysterical, irreverent, deep, outrageous, and full of all the good things you'd hope for on a warm summer night.

I remember how bittersweet those times became for me, as the summer of our senior year drew to a close. I knew that with everyone heading off in various directions all over the globe, we were making these memories on borrowed time. I was right. Life grew more complicated, busy, and we slowly disconnected as so often happens. But I look back on those years, and those boys, with such gratitude. I was at my best with those brother/friends...I felt safe and powerful as a young woman, validated and enjoyed, by the smartest, funniest, wisest guys I knew. It wasn't uncommon for our evenings to end with someone saying, "Hug Huddle!", and we'd gather in a huddle in someones driveway for a group hug. I remember losing a small pearl earring in Jack's driveway because of a hug huddle...and all those boys earnestly trying to find it for me. We never found it, and I remember wondering why I didn't care more. I still have half that earring set, and I keep it to remind me of a time when we were all on the brink of growing up, of the gifts we shared, the sheer fun and silliness of those times...and the love I felt for each of those precious friends crawling around in the dark sifting through the rocks, for me.